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One Sentence Horoscopes: 3/27

I'm proud to present your last horoscopes of March, read them and weep.

Aries

The last day of Aries season will feel like home to you.


Taurus

Try updating your music taste this week.


Gemini

The worker at the gym doesn't think you're special, they're just doing their job.


Cancer

Go shopping for a new swimsuit this week.


Leo

The frogs have a special message for you, it will be written in code.


Virgo

Working harder won't cure anything, but it is a good bandage.


Libra

Spend more time with trees before the leaves grow back.


Scorpio

Your personal assistant secretly hates you, so does your dog.


Sagittarius

Don't let your brain make you cry, you're stronger than it.


Capricorn

Explore a new shop this week.


Aquarius

Your tastebuds will tell you riddles that no human can.


Pisces

If you don't feel good about your progress, it wasn't progress.


Missed last week? Catch up here.

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