One Sentence Horoscopes: 4th of July Edition

As someone who doesn't get super into the 4th, I figured I could celebrate in my own way— with a horoscope. The following are my (completely unprofessional and slightly biased) predictions for how the holiday will look for each sign.

Aries

You're going to take the best fireworks photo anyone has ever seen.

Taurus

Someone will buy your drinks all day long.

Gemini

Your dog is going to bark all night.

Cancer

Carry sunscreen on you all day, just trust me.

Leo

You're gonna have a fun filled day.

Virgo

The asymmetry of the fire works is going to make you a little on edge.

Libra

This will be a great day for you and a bad day for your enemies.

Scorpio

Be sure to fireproof your house, bad luck seems to find you.

Sagittarius

We don't know what you'll be doing, but we know you'll be drinking lemonade while doing it.

Capricorn

Enjoy making time and a half, you silly workaholics.

Aquarius

Be ready for an absurd amount of compliments.

Pisces

You will be invited to many events, but will be unable to find parking for any of them.