One Sentence Horoscopes: 10/17

A new week means another round of one sentence horoscopes. So read up and discover what to do with your week here:

Aries

You have great creative abilities, use them for good or evil, your choice.


Taurus

You don't need to go on a wildlife safari, you need to take a nap and do the dishes.


Gemini

You'll never regret what you don't say.


Cancer

Your kids are begging you to vote for Deidre DeJear, watch her debate tonight and fall in love.


Leo

Putting yourself first does not mean putting others second, sometimes it means not putting them on your list at all.


Virgo

It's easier to just clean out your ash tray than to turn every other item in your home into one.


Libra

Cookies are a meal, and I'm sorry if anyone has ever told you otherwise.


Scorpio

You're going to find $100 on the ground this week, unfortunately it will be glued to the floor and you'll make a fool of yourself trying to pick it up.


Sagittarius

Try entering a spelling bee, you have already been spelling your name out for people your whole life.


Capricorn

Every time you lie a Black Rhino dies, this is probably why they are going extinct.


Aquarius

We know it's you leaving great picks at the thrift store next to each other on a rack...thank you.


Pisces

Your therapist won't give you good advice because she's secretly in love with you.