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One Sentence Horoscopes: 10/10

I'm back with another round of horoscopes. I was blown away by the positive feedback on last week's post, and that's all I needed to continue to give unsolicited spiritual advice.


Do not engage with the owl, he is a master manipulator and will steal your earrings.


You're going to find the best Halloween costume on Facebook Marketplace this week.


Everyone is expecting you to go into hibernation with the other unhinged animals, please take the hint.


Please stop parking at the back of every lot, your friends are sick of walking that far and 'door-dinging' is a myth.


Sure, it's only 60° outside, but you should totally wear that lace bodysuit to Target.


Watching true crime is not making you prepared for real crime, in fact, it's making you more anxious and making everyone a little scared of you.


If you're feeling down, go buy a little treat; if you aren't feeling down, go buy two little treats.


Carve the coolest pumpkin and post it on TikTok, you'll be famous.


You're going to go searching for solitude at a coffee shop and instead find yourself engulfed in a three hour long conversation with a stranger.


Just remember, you can't have chapstick in jail.


We're starting to mistake you for bunnies, you're really cute and make bomb carrots, can we clear this up?


This week you're going to find a broken knife, two seashells, and a season pass to the zoo, choose which one you keep carefully.


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