One Sentence Horoscopes: 10/10

I'm back with another round of horoscopes. I was blown away by the positive feedback on last week's post, and that's all I needed to continue to give unsolicited spiritual advice.

Aries

Do not engage with the owl, he is a master manipulator and will steal your earrings.


Taurus

You're going to find the best Halloween costume on Facebook Marketplace this week.


Gemini

Everyone is expecting you to go into hibernation with the other unhinged animals, please take the hint.


Cancer

Please stop parking at the back of every lot, your friends are sick of walking that far and 'door-dinging' is a myth.


Leo

Sure, it's only 60° outside, but you should totally wear that lace bodysuit to Target.


Virgo

Watching true crime is not making you prepared for real crime, in fact, it's making you more anxious and making everyone a little scared of you.


Libra

If you're feeling down, go buy a little treat; if you aren't feeling down, go buy two little treats.


Scorpio

Carve the coolest pumpkin and post it on TikTok, you'll be famous.


Sagittarius

You're going to go searching for solitude at a coffee shop and instead find yourself engulfed in a three hour long conversation with a stranger.


Capricorn

Just remember, you can't have chapstick in jail.


Aquarius

We're starting to mistake you for bunnies, you're really cute and make bomb carrots, can we clear this up?


Pisces

This week you're going to find a broken knife, two seashells, and a season pass to the zoo, choose which one you keep carefully.